Friday, February 24, 2012
Can anyone turn me into someone without any feelings at all? I really hate things now. Life sucks. You too.
what we could have been, 2:51 AM.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Mood: Bad
I really don't know if I should type out what I am feeling as I'm afraid of him knowing how I feel. I am afraid as I know that definitely he would not be happy about it. He will feels like why would I want to broadcast this to anyone. Sometimes broadcasting is not finding someone to pity yourself but it is for a small space to share some thoughts. Certain things like this would be easier to type rather than speaking to a person. However, at the same time, I would also want him to know how I feel. I know I'm contradicting myself but my thoughts are really messy right now. I know I am silly that I am disappointed with him when there is no appreciation from him on this day. I know it is not a compulsory thing but you know sometimes we just cannot control how we feel. I kept telling myself that it is okay and everything will soon be over after today but as time grew nearer to the end of the day, it makes me feel even sad that things are like just the same as it was - no changes.
Is it that once you are in a relationship for long, everything just faded? Or, are we taking things for granted and had forgotten about the romantic element of a relationship? I really don't know. Sometimes I really hope that I never had met you that early so that the timing will be just right. Out of so many years of valentine day, I only received once. I know it is pathetic. Sometimes I really hate myself. I kept telling and bluffing myself that valentine day is no different from another day and that we don't really need to spend the money in getting anything and so on and so forth. But, on the other end, my heart is really feeling the sadness. Maybe I should not hope for too much as when things are just not going to be the same way as it should, you will feel double the pain and sadness. Well, I know writing this will not make any differences to today as valentine day is already gone. We can never come back to this day this year again. Time will not give anyone a second chance. Everything is over. I hope I'll feel better. I know I'll be fine. I'll need to go to bed now and hope that everything will be back to normal tmr.
I really don't know if I should type out what I am feeling as I'm afraid of him knowing how I feel. I am afraid as I know that definitely he would not be happy about it. He will feels like why would I want to broadcast this to anyone. Sometimes broadcasting is not finding someone to pity yourself but it is for a small space to share some thoughts. Certain things like this would be easier to type rather than speaking to a person. However, at the same time, I would also want him to know how I feel. I know I'm contradicting myself but my thoughts are really messy right now. I know I am silly that I am disappointed with him when there is no appreciation from him on this day. I know it is not a compulsory thing but you know sometimes we just cannot control how we feel. I kept telling myself that it is okay and everything will soon be over after today but as time grew nearer to the end of the day, it makes me feel even sad that things are like just the same as it was - no changes.
Is it that once you are in a relationship for long, everything just faded? Or, are we taking things for granted and had forgotten about the romantic element of a relationship? I really don't know. Sometimes I really hope that I never had met you that early so that the timing will be just right. Out of so many years of valentine day, I only received once. I know it is pathetic. Sometimes I really hate myself. I kept telling and bluffing myself that valentine day is no different from another day and that we don't really need to spend the money in getting anything and so on and so forth. But, on the other end, my heart is really feeling the sadness. Maybe I should not hope for too much as when things are just not going to be the same way as it should, you will feel double the pain and sadness. Well, I know writing this will not make any differences to today as valentine day is already gone. We can never come back to this day this year again. Time will not give anyone a second chance. Everything is over. I hope I'll feel better. I know I'll be fine. I'll need to go to bed now and hope that everything will be back to normal tmr.
what we could have been, 4:04 AM.
